Matthew Roberts, Part 1 - Initiated: UAP, Dreams, Depression, Delusions, Shadow People, Psychosis, Sleep Paralysis, and Pandemics

This is part 1 of an initial 2 part interview with Matthew Roberts, author of "Initiated: UAP, Dreams, Depression, Delusions, Shadow People, Psychosis, Sleep Paralysis, and Pandemics".
 
 Matthew's bio from his Amazon.com page:
 
 "In 2015, Matthew Roberts was a US Naval service member stationed onboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt. The events that transpired during their 2015 workup cycle brought us the first-ever declassified footage of unidentified aerial phenomenon (UAP)and the New York Times article titled: “Glowing Auras and ‘Black Money’: The Pentagon’s Mysterious U.F.O. Program.” Subsequently, he transferred to the Office of Naval Intelligence in Washington D.C. where he began to have frequent, and often intense, personal experiences with the phenomenon. He discovered through a long, painful, and terrifying journey that the truth of the phenomenon has deep and profound implications for the future of the human race. It may seem like a bold statement but the ultimate universal truth that underlies the phenomenon is captured in the simple yet eloquent words of Mark Twain, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.”
 
 Matthew's Amazon page: https://www.amazon.com/Initiated-Depression-Delusions-Psychosis-Paralysis-ebook/dp/B08P9MSQYD

Our websites:
https://globalmeditationnetwork.com
https://www.facebook.com/GlobalMeditationNetwork
http://www.youtube.com/c/Globalmeditationnetwork

Transcript

It's time for another episode of the

global meditation podcast this weekly show features explorations of spiritual and paranormal topics with a focus on

bridging the physical and metaphysical bringing deeper meaning to our individual and collective lives and now

here's your host darby miller

hello and welcome to part one of our initial two-part interview with matthew

roberts matthew is the author of the book initiated uap dreams depression

delusions shadow people psychosis sleep paralysis and pandemics

you can find matthew's book at amazon.com and both the paperback and kindle versions i'll go ahead and read a

brief bio found on the amazon page for matthew's book in 2015 matthew roberts was a u.s naval

service member stationed aboard the uss theodore roosevelt the events that

transpired during their 2015 workup cycle brought us the first ever

declassified footage of unidentified aerial phenomenon uap

and the new york times article entitled glowing auras and black money the pentagon's mysterious ufo program

subsequently he transferred to the office of navy intelligence in washington dc

where he began to have frequent and often intense personal experiences with the phenomenon he discovered through a

long painful and terrifying journey that the truth of the phenomenon has deep and profound implications for the future of

the human race it may seem like a bold statement but the ultimate universal truth that underlies the phenomenon is

captured in the simple yet eloquent words of mark twain the two most important days in your life

are the day you were born and the day you find out why and we're going to go ahead and

transition to the recorded interview with matthew roberts that's but this is part one part two

will be aired next week and i do want to make a note that several times in the interview i

referred to the naval vessel that matthew was on as the uss roosevelt it's actually the uss

theodore roosevelt the uss roosevelt is a different vessel matthew was aboard the uss theodore

roosevelt which is where when the initial videos were captured of these uaps in

2015 and now here is part one of our interview

i've recently uh completed the book it was a great read and happy to have you

on here matthew to cover some of your experiences and discuss

uh basically your whole your whole story you went through this this deconstruction kind of phase i would say

with the these experiences that you had and then after you were thoroughly deconstructed you you were reconstructed

and had some experiences that came after that can you get into some of the

beginning aspects of your story that started in your time with the at

the uss roosevelt when these uh sightings first occurred

um yeah sure so uh you know i had i i spent a total of 16 years

in the navy i worked as a cryptologist which is kind of like a subset or a

specialty within intelligence and uh i was stationed on board the

theodore roosevelt in 2015 as a cryptologist and

you know we were doing our work up cycle getting ready for deployment

and then this happened you know um and and

for for me at the time i kind of had this you know inexplicable

emotional reaction to it that i i didn't really understand it at the time i thought it was just

nonsense or um paranoia um but i had this you know feeling that

they were there for me or that they were gonna come get me

or you know i i just when this was going on i i had this

you know just sinking feeling inside me and uh you know i was unable to eat for a few

days i just felt very uneasy i wasn't sleeping well

um so it was it was very you know kind of

odd thing to to be someone who was a non-believer i

never believed in any of this stuff at all ufos and yeah none of it i it wasn't

something that interested me i it wasn't a topic i read about or was looking into um in fact

you know if i was flipping around on the tv and i saw a ufo show on i kind of would roll my

eyes and change the channel you know wow okay so

you know when suddenly you know this is happening

and you know you're gonna skiff um and that's that's exactly where i was the first time i saw this

gimbal footage and the go fast footage and um it's just it suddenly just became real

you know suddenly it was like you know well i guess this stuff about

you know flying saucers and and aliens you know maybe that's real

i mean it was just very shocking um

how soon how soon after the um the videos were actually shot which i think it was in

2015 did you actually see them uh i think it was like it was like the

next day to two days okay so there was a friend of mine who worked

more closely with uh the pilots in another part of the ship he worked in

civic which was the carrier intelligence center um

and so he was he kind of heard about this in there because there were pilots that

would come in there for briefings and debriefings this was a standard thing um

and so he became aware of this and then he came into my space as we were waiting

for our grade for the end of this work up cycle and he said hey

uh check this out you know and so i kind of i went to my computer and i pulled it up

and uh i was just like wow you know no way is this happening

um and so that was how i initially heard about it i mean i had

some inkling that something was going on uh prior to that

uh but i i don't i really won't get into that um and how i had any indication

that anything was going on but um there's something i miss in the force yeah yeah i knew something

had happened because we were sitting there waiting for our grade and usually it's not like uh they come in

fairly shortly after you know they they they stop the running of scenarios and um

and and that the com2x is finished uh because they you know they've been there the whole time we've been

working on this for a month they kind of know uh what we've got down and what we don't

and so there's not there's not a whole lot of time between the end of that and then

your evaluator comes in and tells you how you did you know um and

and this time there was uh a delay okay and i i didn't know why and then of

course when he came in um and said hey check this out i was like

ah you know there's something something's going on here

and you had access to that video pretty much whenever you wanted it wanted to watch it and i recall from the book you

you were looking at it quite a bit to the extent that people were around you were saying why are you looking at that

again yeah i mean i i pulled it up several times uh after that a lot actually

and even on our subsequent deployment it was still on our systems so

you know we're headed across the pond um and and through the med and

some of my guys came in behind me as i was sitting there at my station and they looked at the screen and they're like

ugh are you watching that again and i was like yeah how do you not

think this is the most incredible thing you've ever seen you know and they were just they just kind of

rolled their eyes and walked into the back um but i you know of course i i was

watching it over and over again because i had this reaction that other people

did not have it was very strange you had a feeling that they were there

for you that somehow you were responsible for it or yeah and you know i i at the time i

thought well this is just this is nonsense um i'm just gonna

get that out of my head right now because why why would they be here for me you

know what i mean like who am i i i'm nobody um why would some

being that can could construct such a craft be interested in me in some way

um but of course later on i found out that

um there may have been something to that what was anyone else to your knowledge

uh aboard the uss roosevelt did they have any type of similar experience to you

um i you know i i have i i've spoken to

a few people and subsequent

to the whole event and subsequent to leaving the navy i i've spoken to a few people from the ship and

they have told me that they have had things happen um [Music]

but of course i you know if we listen to louis elizondo right he says that these things happen

every day and i know that i am not the only person

to have these experiences which is why i felt that writing the book

was necessary um i i've always been i've always had a very you know strong

uh moral compass you know and i just i could not

i i know that people who maybe would be going through something like i'm going through when they go see

a psychiatrist and that psychiatrist may misdiagnose them as

psychotic or having some psychosis or maybe schizophrenia

and and i just uh i just was not okay with that

you know that was just not [Music] something i was okay with just keeping

to myself so it was a kind of a thing where you've you felt if your book could make a difference in

someone's life that was going through something similar that you wanted to get it out there oh yeah absolutely okay um

you know because if i if if i'm sharing my experiences and they say hey this guy you know and not just in the military

the general public is experiencing these things too is this isn't limited to the military but it seems

like people for some reason are interested more in the military aspect of it i

guess probably because it's just more documented um

but uh yeah i i just i couldn't live with that you know i

couldn't live with well people are not only they're not getting the help

they need but they're being misdiagnosed and put on these

powerful brain altering drugs that um and that going down that path i think

will make you crazy you know um i i don't see how that doesn't

so i you know i wanted people to know that i came through this fine on the other end

and you can too you know [Music] why do you talking about

other people other than the military experiencing this um what do you think that

this particular uh sighting that was captured two videos captured they were both captured by aircraft is that right

yeah they were it's f-18 gun camera footage yeah

looking back i know you have no way of determining for sure but do you think it was this is an intentional uh

interaction with the military by who is ever piloting these vehicles to

for some purpose and and if so what what purpose might that be like why the military

you think that they'd be the least likely to i mean they were kind of forced to release the videos because the

videos were leaked right uh yeah i mean that's not something i was aware of

uh until much later even after i was out of the military i didn't know that they were

they were leaked so much but i i guess since

all of this has happened you know lou elizondo and chris mellon

uh in particular has stated that they were the source of this you know um

so i i you know and and in so far is this being

intentional was it an intentional thing i think absolutely i mean i don't think they make mistakes

um [Music] when you're as intelligent as that um you're not you're not making mistakes

um so i think that this was this was absolutely on purpose

it had a purpose um i think it served that purpose

um i suppose having if if

if there was a possibility of the video eventually becoming public and the the navy

saying yes it's it's real we don't know what they are we're looking into it there's some um what's the right word

the having the military admit this has some weight so if if these beans have

some kind of a desire for some level of disclosure or a

lifting of the veil so to speak maybe a military as well as other contacts would

be a good way to go because there's some authority there at least in terms of how the public perceives it maybe that's

part of it um yeah it could be i you know my interpretation of these things is is

very very deep i know i'm not sure how deep down the rabbit hole you want

to go but um something that i noticed in my experience is that is that

a lot of these experiences to include dreams are

they're allegorical right and so and so they're what they're dealing with

is the allegory of these archetypal structures in the psyche

um so one of those archetypal structures is the warrior

right so if you're if you are acting as an extrovert

right in that you are projecting this warrior archetype

um out on the world out there rather than internalizing it as necessary

you would build a military that's the externalized

manifestation of the warrior archetype in the psyche and so if you're

so that for them to show up at such an event um

kind of speaks to uh this allegorical idea that you're

supposed to like they're acknowledging the warrior

archetype if that if that makes any sense and they're saying

you know we're here we see what you're doing um and we're physically manifesting just

like you are physically manifesting the warrior archetype [Music]

but when you retreat within that warrior archetype becomes something else entirely

it becomes uh internally deconstructive

um [Music] i i'm not sure if i'm going too deep into the weeds here you talk about this

these archetypes in your book and uh i think that your introduction to these these four

archetypes which are uh the warrior the lover is it the magician the

magician in the canyon these uh was it robert morris's work that first introduced you to these uh

yeah it was it was it was a guy named dr robert moore he was okay

he was he followed the teachings of carl jung in psychology who was a swiss psychologist and contemporary with um

freud for whatever reason

freud's work was adopted by the masses and young was kind of pushed

to the side but i think that carl jung was correct and and dr robert

moore was uh a union psychoanalyst in chicago so he

had a phd in psychology and he would he had patients that he would see

and uh he wrote a book that kind of more completely and succinctly

nails down these archetypal structures in the psyche um much much

in a much better way than carl jung ever did but i mean that's the way things work right somebody comes up with the

original concept and then somebody else comes in and kind of refines it a bit uh and so that's that's

kind of what dr robert moore did in his um in his series of books that was all

about uh the king warrior magician and lover archetypes

and these archetypes can be found playing out internally such as in dreams but also it sounds like you were

suggesting that externally you can find these archetypes represented in an external format such as the military

building the military is as you'd call that a shadow version of the warrior

right an externalized shadow yeah yeah version of the archetype yeah and so most people they experience their lives

and they live their lives completely and entirely within the shadow archetype because they they project it all on the

world out there and they think that that that is what's real to them

um and you know i i don't want to understate the importance of this

experience all of this that i'm talking about to me is completely transparent i see

somebody acting in a certain way and i can immediately identify you know kind of what

archetype is triggering them and kind of what's driving them in terms of that and

and what they're doing that's externalizing that archetypal energy rather than

internalizing it and and so you know a lot of people may look at me and say well what do you know

but i mean i experienced this and and in working with this stuff and in

reading about it um at the end of my experiences i it was just kind of like oh my gosh you know this is

nail on the head this is what i've done my entire life and i didn't i wasn't

conscious of the fact that there were these terms for these things um

because i i mean psychology was not something that ever interested me i never read

i had never read a book on psychology in my life until i read uh dr robert moore's stuff

um but but of course the reason why i did read his stuff is because i

i you know kind of at the end of my experiences had this dream

where this older gentleman was sitting across from me and he was teaching me about human psychology

um he was telling me certain things i was asking him questions and he was answering them [Music]

and uh i woke up that morning and there was a voice in my head that kept saying

dr robert moore over and over again so i wrote it down

um and then when i was reading his book that he wrote called the archetype of

initiation i was like oh my gosh this is what this is what i went through

you know and then his picture was on the back of the book and i put it down one day as i was

reading it i was like wait that's the guy from my dream you know that's the guy who was sitting

there teaching me about psychology and he had uh he had passed away

maybe a year and a half before i started having my experiences so

um you have a lot of experiences in your book where it's kind of like following

the bread bread crumbs you have uh you hear something a voice kind of leading

you on towards the next step of your journey and you you document that pretty thoroughly in your book

um let's go back that's kind of closer to

after you had some of the more harrowing experiences or uncomfortable experiences early on we

started discovering some of these deeper concepts about archetypes and

this kind of thing but let's go back to the beginning so you you have

these videos have been released on the ship anyway and you have access to them and you're

feeling this emotional reaction that is very unexpected and at

some point uh after that you started having other experiences and this was was this

after you had left the aircraft carrier at that point and started a new post

yeah so i you know after after we came back from our deployment um well first of all i'd like to say too

that while we were on deployment the craft came back while we were on station

okay uh in the gulf so there was that uh but you know can you talk more about

that uh you know i mean all

all i'm gonna say is that you know i i really i i didn't watch any new footage or

anything like that it was just that i i was so busy being deployed i would work

you know 20 hours a day uh and people may think oh yeah sure you did but

literally i was working 20 hours a day and so uh you know i was rushing down the hallway

towards civic and i had my hands full of stuff i don't know i don't remember if i was maybe i was heading to a brief i

don't know uh and the guy the friend of mine came out of civic and was walking towards me um

down the p way the hallway p way we call it um and he's he kind of looks at me and

he says they're back you know kind of like that creepy girl from bolter guys

and i looked at him and i was like no way and as he's passing me and he and he

just and i look back at him as he's passing me and he just kind of nods like yeah you know they're back um

okay and so uh you know but you know of course i was so busy with other things i didn't have

time to stop and look at any of that

so yeah i don't i don't know anything more about it

so uh at what point then did things go to the

next level with you and these uh experiences you were having you were having that emotional reaction to the

videos themselves and what happened next well so you know i just kind of put all of that in the back of my head because i

thought okay so you know this stuff is real or whatever but it's obviously it's got to be some

kind of special access program and i'm not read into it who knows if i ever would be

so what's the point in thinking about it you know so i so i just kind of put it

in the back of my head um and it was always just kind of there and

i would wonder about it but at the same time i knew that i'll probably never know

anything because i'm not read into this right so when you say special access programs you mean you thought that it might have been one of ours

just a different no uh not that i thought it was it was one of ours i that was never something i

thought okay um i that was something that i knew was outside of the realm of possibility to be honest with you

because uh there's no way we would be testing this stuff on ourselves

right we wouldn't you wouldn't have something like that show up

during um a testing qualification

um that would just be completely inappropriate not only would it be inappropriate but they came back

when we were on station right and if you're gonna i i've been a part of kind of these

testing types of things before and they'll they'll warn everybody ahead

of time and say hey you're going to see x y and z while you're doing this

this is testing it's normal don't worry about it um

so that everyone is aware of what's going on right but if you're gonna you can't do that and

not kind of have that deconfliction um

you have to let people know otherwise you're going to have you know these crazy reactions to things

and and further when you're on station right and you've got jets that are now taking off

that are armed um this that becomes very dangerous

uh you've got jets taking off that are armed and they don't know what these things are that are flying around so the just uh

the thought that people would think that that's some kind of even a possibility to me just blows my mind it just that

does not happen it doesn't happen that way

and so you know after this you know i went back to your question

um after i left the theodore roosevelt i transferred to the george washington for

about a year and then i and then i went to o and i um

as an analyst the office of naval intelligence um and that that was when i was working

there is when things really just started to get weird

um very weird how long after what that was

after you left the thing started getting weird uh it started getting weird as soon as i got there um

it was just after i checked in i uh

and looking back on it it kind of it it all kind of makes sense to me now but

just after i got to o and i had i had a near-death experience

um i had a massive saddle pulmonary embolism

um which is of course blood clots and they were in both of my lungs

the doctors told me they were in the primary secondary and tertiary arteries of both of my lungs and they didn't know

how i was still alive [Music] so you know i spent some time in the icu

after that and [Music] you know it was it was just after that everything just

really really started um

yeah annie i think i've heard you've you've been asked this before in a podcast and

i'm not sure what uh your answer was any feelings in regards to whether the this

these ex uh very serious uh was it pulmonary saddle what was it

called area embolism yeah embolism embolism uh where the if they were caused by the

uaps at all or somehow related to that uh phenomena um

you know i i really don't know i if i were to venture a guess i would say

it had something to do with it um i i mean i've looked up what can cause

blood clots and um you know i've radiation sometimes can cause them

exposure to radiation so can uh exposure to high altitudes

um and there really was no explicable reason as to why i should

have gotten them i they tested me for genetic conditions

that caused blood clotting and uh all of those came back negative

um so i i don't know i kind of have to believe that possibly

um something else had caused them [Music]

so when was the uh what was the first big experience was this the uh

visitation with the the the female entity that

took another turn well i think i think before that there was one that was very terrifying

although it didn't involve uh necessarily any entities from what i

could gather at the time but i

so i i was almost medically discharged from the navy because of these blood clots um

and i had expressed my interest to go ahead and stay in the navy because i only had

what four years left um till retirement and so

you know that would have been kind of [Music] a dumb thing to have happen uh so i i

expressed my interest in staying and retiring and uh so my my medical record went to a

board for review um and and they would decide if i could stay in or not

so anyway the board decided that i could stay in um and i i had gone one day

um to sign my paperwork stating that the board had found that i was fit for duty

that i could stay in the navy until retirement and it was on my way back from that i

was kind of like just you know thinking about [Music]

i don't know like my plans for the rest of my life you know i had

i was thinking okay well you know i've got these i've got rental properties that i own i've got

i can i'm going to retire from the navy and then i can just work some a greeter at walmart

you know and and and i can live off the income of

all three sources of that and just i'll be fine you know and that's that's pretty much the plan um

and as i'm thinking about this stuff on on my way back to washington dc uh because i had to go down to

uh pax river to sign the paperwork and i was i was heading back and it was like an hour long drive

and um the night before i had been kind of looking some stuff up because the at the

time at the the the gimbal footage had just been released publicly

right and um and so i was looking at some things and i came across this book

um and it was called the caballian um and it seemed to be in keeping with

some of the stuff that i had read that tom de long had written in some of his books

um and so i i looked at the summary and the summary

said you know there's no such thing as coincidence everything happens for a reason and but it but the summary also

stated that you know this is the problem that people have with this book they can't

they don't like the idea that there's no free will and so they

they kind of dismiss the book because of that and i thought well you know i'm not

going to read that because it just sounds too silly and out there for me you know

and so i'm i'm driving back the next day from signing this paperwork and this hatchback cuts me off and i i had been

looking for stuff like local stuff that i could not find anything on

i had looked at mufon i couldn't find anything on them um and so this hatchback cuts me off and

on the back window is this sticker this graphic that says mufon maryland find us on facebook

and i was like oh on facebook i know i i i i never had a facebook

account um up to that point so i thought oh that's why i'm not

seeing anything because i wasn't looking on facebook um

so i thought you know maybe i'd follow this guy and talk to him

but i was in uniform at the time and it seemed like kind of a bad idea this guy probably would have thought i was

trying to interrogate him or something um but anyway he was going faster than i

was willing to go so i just kind of okay whatever he's he's gone um

so i get home that night i'm doing laundry just stuff at the house

um well actually first first of all like as i was driving down the road and i saw this i saw like this hobby lobby off to

the right and uh i had never actually seen a hobby lobby store but i i keep myself abreast

of the news so i was aware of like supreme court decision where they said corporations or people

you know and that was the big hobby lobby court decision uh so i kind of made a note of that um

so i'm at home that night and i'm getting ready for bed and i head up the stairs and my

roommate's sitting there watching you know the talking heads on tv the news um

and he's he's a liberal so he was like you know what's wrong with these republicans

and i was like no what and he said hobby lobby he was like that

that uh supreme court decision allowed all this dirty money into campaigns and

so on and so forth so i talked to him about that for a few minutes uh and then i went upstairs

to go to bed and i shut my door and i thought god this is just such a day

of weird coincidences you know i had been looking up mufon

and i found that car cut me off and then i saw that hobby lobby and my roommate

just mentioned that and um then my start my heart just started

pounding and i was like oh my god it was very uncomfortable

you know it was almost like you get a rush of adrenaline and you can feel your heart pounding but

i didn't feel any adrenaline it was just pounding and i was like this is

uncomfortable i thought is this the blood clots you know doing this am i am i gonna die you know

so i sat down to just see if that would go away and then i started to feel this

powerful urge to get in my car and go drive and i thought no

no this is too weird you know [Music]

and i thought well you know this isn't going away this feeling that i have to get in my car and go drive is not

subsiding um so let me just do this and i'll see that this is just some stupid

thing right it's just it's all in my head um

so i get in my car and it by then it's like it's like 11 o'clock on a thursday

night right and i pull out of the three-point turn to get out of the driveway

and i stop there and i think you know i can't do this it's it's 11 o'clock i have to get up

and go to work tomorrow um this is crazy you know if i if i give in to this it's

never gonna end you know so i thought

well i'm just gonna pull in and go to bed and forget it um and just as i thought that

uh like i felt this kind of electrical shock just shoot

through my body i was like touching like a live electrical wire and you can feel that

buzzing throughout you know up your arm or whatever and i felt that throughout my whole body

and it was just like it was like my toenails hurt my toenail beds i could feel it acutely

there i don't know why [Music] so anyway as i'm feeling this like my hands kind

of turned the wheel towards the road and my foot stepped on the accelerator and i

didn't do that um [Music] so you know just as quickly as it had

turned on it shut off like i was attached to a switch

and uh you know at this point i'm i'm panicking now

because i realize that this is not just in my head right this is i

you can't induce the feeling of electric shock throughout your body you know um

so i slammed on the brakes and i was just like oh my god

what is going on you know and so i

the feeling just started bubbling up in me it was like urgency now you need to

go now you need to drive uh and so i did i was like okay

i just i don't want to get shocked again so let's just do this whatever this is

uh so i i'm driving down the road and i figured i would head back down to pax

river because it was kind of a long drive very rural areas um

i don't know if they if they were gonna abduct me maybe that would be a good place to do it because there's nobody

around so you're thinking aliens the extraterrestrials oh yeah absolutely um

and i you know i i decide well i don't know how long this is going to take i'm

i'm i'm in a panic and i'm thirsty now you know i need something to drink so i pulled into this gas station right

before the five south uh to grab a soda or something um

and then this feeling hits me that whatever i was left the house to do is going to

happen at this gas station which kind of was very unnerving because it

was kind of a last-minute decision like oh let me just stop at this gas station right um

so i'm like i'm scanning i'm looking around my truck looking at the intersection

what is going to happen here you know and then i see it right in front of this

gas station there's this guy eating with these two women at a table out front because they sell

they they they they sold fried chicken inside there and like mac and cheese and

that kind of stuff and uh it was just clearly out of place

because the two women um you know and it's it's very late on a

thursday night we're we're nearing midnight um and there's a homeless man right sitting

with these two women and these two women are dressed to the nines in professional

business attire they look like the women i worked with the civilian women at o and i like they were gonna

go brief congress uh or something like that uh that's that's the that's the appearance that they had

um and why would they be sitting with this ragged

uh dirty homeless man uh at a gas station [Music]

uh by the freeway in the middle of night you know it didn't make any sense so i thought well this has got to be it this

is it and uh so i i was like you know i don't know

what to do here um i decided

that i i was just kind of sitting in my truck and i was still afraid

uh at this point and um this i hear this voice

um just kind of this male voice very powerfully say get out

um so i opened my door and i got out um and i'm walking across the

parking lot and my legs are just like wet noodles uh

and i'm just terrified and then as i walk past this table

the one of the women raises her hand to the homeless guy and she says you see she said there's no such thing as

coincidence everything happens for a reason she said i i don't normally sit at

places like this but something told me to sit here tonight and um

you know i went into the the convenience store and i thought no way

did that lady just say that you know i that's that was the exact synopsis of this

caballian book that i'd come across the night prior and i thought i'm i'm not going to read

that book you know but it became clear that yes i was gonna

read the book and the universe was kind of telling me

yeah you you will read this book um and so i did and that was that kind of just kicked everything off

um it was after that that i began to experience

non-human entities in my room at night um [Music] and it was terrifying what were you what

was what was your emotional state the next day after that experience with the they get the gas station were you

kind of in a state of shock or what what was it like to you if do you recall

uh it was it was shock yeah and it was i was

i was definitely terrified by it i mean how could

how could such a series of coincidences have just fallen into place like that

you know i think i think people refer to them now as like synchronicities um

but you know that was something that i was completely unfamiliar with at the time i just knew that this this had lined up

perfectly and to me that was terrifying um

because it should never have happened right if if the universe is what i thought it was

at that time this is something that would not be a possibility

that things could line up this way um and how long was this

the the sightings that were recorded in 2015 when was this roughly

so this was uh this was just after the

the new york times article and the footage being released so this was probably late

what was that late 2017 yeah 2017 sometime okay

yeah so things went to the next level at this point you had

you had already been since looking at these videos for the first time on the uh the uss roosevelt

you are already driven to start seeking out answers you were reading uh tom dalon dong's books yeah

and uh with some jacques valet okay yeah

um and and you know and my my reason for doing that was just

because ttsa had had come out right and so the analyst in me was saying

okay there there's some people in the government that are involved in this organization ttsa right and so let's

let's drill down on that and see if any of these people have written books

um so i also had had read um colm kelleher's hunt for the skinwalker

at this point so i knew that uh there were some weird

things about it i don't know that i necessarily believed it um you know uh

so it was uh it wasn't really real until it started

happening to me uh and then of course you you become familiar with

what they call high strangeness you know um

and that was that was the next experience so i i read this book the caballon

and um you know it gives like these

uh seven universal principles that um govern the universe basically and um

and and how those relate to the mind um

and i i it was it was i kind of got it i kind of didn't you know and i read it and re-read it

several times uh and it just it was it was a little

unsettling to be honest because it talks about you know how the universe is

a creation right and it calls it a mental creation

uh from the mind of one um which i think you you've done some

podcasts on uh raw the law of one which is it which is kind of a similar it's the same

concept that everything is just one thing right and that

and that people refer to that one thing as god or they have um in in the past

and um so i was an atheist you know and and

so i it was very hard for me to wrap my mind around that i mean it

was just uh you know this was not stuff that i believed ever

um and yet i couldn't dismiss the mechanisms by which i came

to be reading this book you know and so i thought well this

this is everything in this book has got to be true uh if if

all of this stuff kind of uh you know in a paranormal way just

kind of lined up to make sure that i would be sitting here reading this

and uh that was that was very unsettling um

and i thought you know well i i don't know if this is something i'm learning here i'm learning something

um and so i've i've read the caballian now and i thought okay i'm ready for what's next

[Music] which of course uh i was not in any way

prepared uh for what happened next at all

um so i was i was in bed one night um

i had i had gone out with some friends from work i think we i don't know if we went bowling maybe or something like

that uh and uh i had i had forgotten to bring a change of clothes civilian clothes

with me to work so i i ran home to change

uh and i didn't like what i had on i changed my shirt and i threw it over my closet door and i i never do stuff like

that but i was in a hurry i don't like kind of the disorganization of having things hanging on a closet

door um i like to be able to close the closet door because i don't want to see the

mess inside there so uh anyway i get home that night um i'm

totally exhausted i took a shower went to bed and i'm laying there and i see the open closet

door with my shirt hanging on it and norm that kind of thing just it annoys

me i'm a bit of a perfectionist so

uh i thought well i'll i'll get it tomorrow you know i i don't care and i just

threw my head in the pillow and went to sleep um and at some point in the night i woke up

uh because i felt something grab my arm

and i i opened my eyes and i was in my bed on my back

and uh i'm looking off to my left and i see the

window there um and i kind of the window's going blurry

like it's i can no longer see the detail in it anymore and i thought my eyes are going blurry uh so i went to try to

raise my hands to my face and wipe the sleep out of my eyes and uh

i couldn't move uh my hands just kind of flopped there you know um

and then i was like well i woke up because someone's grabbing my arm and i can still

feel that hand on my arm so i kind of fought to turn my head to the

right to see who was standing there and um by the time i turned my head to the

right everything was just a blur everything was blurry um

all i could see was the outline of this head a torso and two arms kind of

standing over me and it was it was shut like a shadow um

i couldn't make any out any detail and i'm looking at this and i thought to myself you know i should be terrified

right now there's someone in my room in the middle of the night i can't move they've got their hand on me um

[Music] this is crazy you know um but i but i

wasn't scared i don't know why um i wanted to ask you about that because

throughout your experience you are in a state of terror i mean throughout you know the many however many months this

goes on um yeah but in this moment you were not where are you as you say you should have been if it is you're going

to be in terror at any point this would have been one of them right do you think that it's possible this that there was some

and we when we read in ufo literature and contact experiences these beings tend to have some kind of a way to

influence our emotions and put us in some state of calm do you think that might have been what was going on

yeah i think so uh i i think that that's probably absolutely the case and i think that

i think that's done uh for safety really

i mean for theirs and for ours you know because i mean

you can have some really bad reactions to this stuff in the moment if you were allowed to

uh and so i think that maybe it's safer that we

don't have that ability at that moment it's like taking an animal to the vet being outdated yeah right exactly yeah

um yeah i wanted to ask you about that because later on you make a distinction or some

point that you decide to let go of fear you reach a point of exhaustion but

that's not what was happening in this experience it was little too early there was something else that was causing that

calmness oh yeah um it was yeah it was too early for that and um

it was uh it was just kind of inexplicable as to

why i was just i was so calm you know um

and like i said i remembered thinking at the time i should be terrified right now but i'm

i'm not you know uh and so you know i'm i'm looking at this

shadow figure standing over me and as i'm thinking about

how i'm not terrified uh all of the sudden like my room starts to light up

uh in like this golden light um and it's coming it seems like to be coming

from the back of this shadow person standing over me and uh it just kind of slowly lights up

you know uh and then it becomes like blinding it's so bright

and then i kind of look up towards the head of this thing in it

this light organizes just into these like rays of light coming out of its head

and i i'm looking at this and i'm not terrified but i'm thinking to myself

you know what the hell is going on you know this is strange

um and so i'm watching this and all of a sudden a face appears over the where the face would be

of this entity and then it starts flipping through different images of people that i know

and it stops on an x of mine from like 20 years earlier

and uh i start to lose consciousness i

you know fall back asleep and i'm having a dream and it's a sexual

dream with my ex and i um and i

it was it was an odd dream because it was it was like me and my ex and there was nothing else there was no

ground no nothing it was just me and my ex and that's it

it was just pure blackness all around us and i um

i i started to come out of that dream and i woke up and i'm back in my room

and i can see that there's a female on top of me uh

and my hands are on her thighs i can feel her skin and it's not

it's not like human skin it's uh it was like much thicker i could feel

that it was thicker than normal human skin would be and uh it was blue

she had blue skin it was kind of like a baby powder blue

uh and i start like scanning up towards her face

to see her face and i could see she was wearing like a this tube top

that had like this zigzag red and silver pattern on it

and then her face was just a blur um i couldn't see it i don't know why i

could see that there was like this large black mass kind of around her head and i

thought i don't know what that is if she's got a large amount of hair or something or

maybe that's technology and but in any case she wasn't gonna let

me see it you know uh because it was just blurred

um and this isn't like something that i recounted later this was

i remembered at the time um wondering why why can't i see her face

why is it blurry you know uh so that wasn't some kind of

you know a lot of people a lot of experiencers and stuff they'll talk about implanted memories or whatever but i

this at the time i was seeing this i know i was um so uh you know i was in and out of this

dream state and back in my room several times

and then i woke up the next morning in my bed

and i was just like i felt so disgusting you know and i was like what

the hell happened last night you know um

and i kind of went outside and i was like i started like dry heaving a little bit

um because i could not believe what had just happened you know i

i kind of wanted to understand all of this uh and

i was just basically raped um was was my feeling at the time

uh did you have any questions that this was an actual physical occurrence and not a

dream or something uh somewhere between physical and and dream i you know i didn't i mean i i

know that this was this was a physical experience i i've never i don't me personally i've never had a

dream where i was able to feel skin texture

and and think at the time wow that feels really like it's not

human skin you know uh i i don't know i mean maybe

maybe i'm odd in that way but i've never had that kind of sensation [Music] in a dream up to that point so i i knew

i kind of knew that this was i knew that this had to be something

that was real at the time that this was happening to me and i realized she wasn't human i thought to myself at the

time i was like oh my god there's got to be some kind of craft or something

parked in the backyard right now waiting for her you know

uh and so i i mean i knew what this was uh

and i knew it was real too but that was that was the thing that really bothered me about it because i

i you know i felt violated but at the same time i thought to myself why

you know why is this happening and and i i remembered the light show and i

started thinking about how that looks like religious art that i've seen all over the world how you know

there's some divine person or divine entity and they have this kind of

light aura around them or like a rays coming out of their head

um [Music] and then i thought well this has been going on for a very long time

if that's the case because people have seen this and this is

this is what's depicted in religious art

and and so i thought to myself like why why would they be doing this i this isn't

something that had to happen if they needed my dna um you can get dna these days from a

fingerprint you know they could have they could have gone into my car and

taken some dna off the steering wheel because i touched that every day

um and they would have had it i mean if that's what they wanted

and so i started when i started to really just go over this in my head and analyze it i

thought you know well this what i'm feeling and being violated and

and stuff like that this there's something more happening here

that i don't currently understand because just as i said if they wanted just my

dna they they could have done that without me knowing it why did i have to know it

you know and it was clear that they did get your dna i think you said that you did have an orgasm

in the experience did you see i've read experiences where people have reported something similar happening and they've

actually noticed that their general genitals were i don't know if mutilated as the right

word but it was clear that they had had a a rather vigorous sexual encounter of

some of to some degree did you notice any physical uh signs in that way no i mean i i not

really um there was no indication um [Music]

that anything had happened really other than the fact that i woke up i i don't sleep on my back you know ever i if i

sleep on my back i start to snore and i'll snore myself awake inevitably every time

so i always sleep on my stomach or my side um

so when i woke up the next morning and i was still on my back i thought well that's

that's weird i don't i don't ever wake up on my back you know uh

so i mean there was that but other than that i i didn't notice anything else out of place

um so yeah i wanted to to take a break and ask you

about this experience and not just this experience but it's

you describe this as a rape so it was something that was against your will and there's other

there's other you throughout this experience you are being immobilized you have this feeling

of heaviness and you can't move and i wanted to ask you now looking backwards on you've been through all

this do you think that these uh beings are benevolent

and and and more to the point how do you resolve the these these two

juxtaposing roles where you have on one hand you have this being that's raping you but then it seems to be i guess you

could call it like an emissary of initiation like this is assuring you into ultimately the spiritual experience

was that ever something that you had trouble uh coming to grips with yourself these

two uh opposites um yeah i mean it really was i

i i i didn't ever think of this as an initiation until i read

robert moore's book which was at the tail end of everything right and

and so i didn't i honestly i didn't even really understand what was happening to me i

just knew that something was happening to me and i knew it was significant

um but the extent or the outcome of that

was a complete mystery to me i i didn't i didn't know where it was going um

so i i mean i i did have a bit of difficulty reconciling that

but at the same time i i'm a very curious individual so

i i kind of tried to

my whole philosophy about life is that my thoughts and my feelings have to be

reactions that are very well thought out um and so i

i started to look at this and say logically to myself

okay so they could have gotten my dna from anywhere they chose not to this was

some kind of something you know this was

this was on purpose and so what is it telling me

um what am i supposed to learn from this [Music]

and i i didn't know that answer um immediately

i i i think that i spent the next several months just kind of

like sleeping with the light on uh because i the dark just terrified me you

know i mean it was just like and and they'll do this where

you know you'll be in your bed at night and you'll wake up in the middle of the night and you know you'll kind of look

at the corner is that a shadow in the corner or is that is there somebody standing there you know and you

can't quite tell um [Music] they love to do that um

and so it's it the whole thing makes sense to me now um

but you know getting to that point required a lot of

introspection and thought um which i think that

i think is the point you know that's the point of it um

i you know i see this on skinwalker ranch these guys on on this show

these guys they they go to the ranch and they they have all these strange experiences right and

um they can't make sense of it and they call it high strangeness and

you you need to really just sit down and think for a minute about

you need to think these things through well in your mind go over them again and

again and try and figure it out because i i watch that show and i can

see this whole allegorical thing happening there on the

ranch where it's it's telling them hey look within you know and that's the allegory of the experience that they

have but you know they go they go back inside their control center and they're like well

who knows you know what's going on here [Music] and it's like the the phenomenon over

and over and over again is telling them look within you know within with these with all of

these experiences one guy is holding a compass for example right and he's like oh that's

it's it's doing something there's some kind of magnetic anomaly right but if you look down at the compass in his hand

on the camera the compass is pointing towards him right okay and so it's telling you

hey dummy you know look within and and he's not getting it he's like oh

my gosh there's a magnetic anomaly happening around here you know and it's it's a complete mystery

um but you know it's it will allegorically throw things like that at you

and and and you have to think about it if you think about it you will

eventually get it and i did i think and uh it was it was

very very eye-opening to me because there were several things with this

experience with the blue female in my room like i was i was sitting one night before this listening to the

kabbalian in my bed i was like laying there listening to it uh the audiobook on on youtube

and um it was talking about uh [Music]

uh creativity and generation

right uh and then this this is one of the laws of that governed the universe and

and i was thinking to myself you know creativity human creativity of the mind

you know and i'm looking at the trim in my room and i thought you know that's kind of correct because

somebody you know had this idea of this trim in their mind they went to a tree

they cut it down and they carved it out and they created that you know and it first was a mental

conception but there it is now here born into the

physical world um a mental idea

and so that's uh when i when i woke up when that being

was grabbing my arm the first thing i saw was that trim right

creativity human creativity um

and then i have this sexual experience which again goes back to the idea of

human creativity um but it's it's a different type of creativity

it's it's the physical creativity the physical creation of man

but it was also this experience is also highlighting mental creativity as being essential to

that right the rays of light coming out of her head um [Music]

and that's that's that's kind of the allegory of the whole experience it goes a little bit deeper

than that i i'm not sure how how deep in the weeds you want to get

well you you uh it took some time for you to think this

through and you started to see an underlying meaning behind it that

i guess eventually took you from feeling like some a victim someone who had been raped to uh to what was the other what

was on the other side of that for you you weren't a victim you were

yeah and and you asked the question earlier um about

are they benevolent or malevolent you know and i say that they're neither

that that good and bad are human constructs that we've just made up

in our head they don't actually exist um i

right but if i if i break into someone's house and

rape someone against their will you i think you and i would say that that's an immoral act

and that i should probably be put away or you know i i i should answer for that i

should put me away to protect other other people right so how do we that that's one of

the things that i that i've as i've read your story and others like it trying to uh

try to rectify that yeah yeah yeah and and the cabalion talks about reconciling paradoxes

right because there are all of these ideas such as that that are

a paradox when you when you put it in that context it

becomes a paradox in your mind and you have to reconcile those paradoxes and the way that i did that is um

through these archetypal structures right so if if you go into someone's room and you rape them

as a as one human to another what you don't understand about your

actions is that you are acting out

uh the physical manifestation of those archetypes in the psyche

that's what is driving you to do this you the thing the thing about this

archetypal energy is that um the way that you relate to it

um is wholly dependent on whether or not you have cultivated yourself as an

introvert or an extrovert and and this is also the difference between

um subjective and objective reality

so when you are an extrovert and you you're

throwing all your archetypal energy out in the world out there you you've you see your emotions as

being born of them right like you made me angry

this is your fault that something is happening to me

um and so all of everything lies outside of

yourself and that's what's real to you as an extrovert

and so you're throwing all of this energy on the world out there what you're looking for is uh some kind

of wholeness within yourself but since you're throwing it all out on the world out there

you're not filling that void within you um you're just

you're pissing in the wind um so to speak and and and it's destructive it's

destructive for the world um and and and that that's kind of how i

reconcile those paradoxes is in viewing them as either

uh an introverted or an extroverted manifestation

of these archetypal structures in the psyche right

well i think i hear what you're saying and it's kind of the attitude where no

matter what happens to you ultimately if if you're willing to take self-responsibility for your own

feelings and your thoughts about it you don't have to be a victim right you can use it as some kind of a growing

experience right and um it's freeing

ultimately um you can you can have some type of internal resolution

uh with trauma and things that have occurred to you but it doesn't necessarily in my example

where i'm i'm i'm raping someone it doesn't necessarily mean that what i did was immoral or right

or was moral or right or should have been you know should be allowed you know what i mean

like both are true i would say

i guess one could argue that if this female entity

uh that that raped you is perhaps more spiritually evolved perhaps

her intention underlying that was different than than uh in that example i gave my

intention right um but then

is that uh is viewing entities these experiencer stories where they're

raped and and and semen or eggs are extracted and viewing

you come to grips with that by saying that it's serving a higher purpose of some type

or i agree to it possibly pre-incarnationally i agree to it is that just

rationalizing the experience to come come to grip grips with it does it

really make the the entities that do this uh

morally absolved and and i don't know i i don't know the answer to that

um well well i i think that i i think that it's necessary

i mean um something that i talk about a lot is um

uh this it's a theory right that was i can't remember the guy's name that

came up with it but it's it's called uh positive personality disintegration

um and it was i think it was a polish uh psychologist and

this idea is largely dismissed by uh the psychological community because

they don't they they look at his life and they say well he came up with this theory based on his own life experiences which were

extreme and very he was a victim

[Music] if if there ever was one uh so this guy he

he was in i i think uh a nazi concentration camp during world war ii i think he was he

was jewish and uh he was in one of the camps where they

did experiments on people um medical experiments

uh so he was tortured basically uh and he was i think one of 36 people

from that camp that survived so he he survived this ordeal

and he came up with this idea he later went to school he became a psychologist

but it's called positive personality disintegration and the idea is that you have this trauma that happens right and

and a lot of experiencers tend to have a lot of trauma in their backgrounds and

that's not an accident either um [Music] and the reason is that trauma

can make you stronger right because when you experience a lot

of trauma you can then you become better at

forming well-thought-out ideas uh that will

uh make it a better or a learning or growing experience for

you um and and the fact that a lot of experiencers have this kind of trauma in

their background i think speaks to the fact that they look for people who have that ability

that ability to kind of integrate this trauma and make

it a positive experience and turn it around and say

what have i learned what is this teaching me because that is an essential part

of the initiation experience you have to be able to kind of uh put this together

in your mind uh kind of and kind of you know uh

matriculate things correctly um and

and people who have experienced trauma in the past are better at doing that than people who have not

so it would make you more right for this experience um

and so the whole idea is behind uh positive personality disintegration is

that you will take an experience it will change you

right you will learn from it and grow [Music] and and and that growth and learning may

be something that is very unpopular with the general public right it it steps outside the bounds of

what is socially acceptable and normal but you having been through this experience

you think well i don't care if if the general public thinks that way i think

that way and and i've thought this out in my head and i have come to the

conclusion that x is true regardless of what anyone else is saying

and so you use that to then begin to build a certain type of personality

and something that i recognized early on in this

after after after all of this experience ended for me was that you know i was in a room

i think it was on clubhouse or something and there were six of us in the room three of us were experiencers

and somebody asked about well what what personality type is everybody in this room

and the three experiencers we were all infj personality types

and i don't know if how much you know about infj personality infp yeah and and and and all experiences

generally are these i n type personalities and and infj just

happens to be one of the rarest in the world i think it's less than one percent of the population

and a lot of these introverted personality types are that they're like you know one to five percent of the

population is is able to do this um is able to go inward and and to create a

personality um and and that's why creativity is so

important that's why it always has been for for the ancients and every and and

all of this just it fits together so wonderfully when you start to look at history in my opinion

um [Music] you know even i i i like to read a lot

of uh plato these days and um [Music]

and i can even see you know uh plato describing socrates

and his personality and the way he was and

i could imagine someone saying those things about me you know because that's the way i am too

like i've noticed this about myself that i i tend to be the kind of person that

long after other people have given up on something you know there i am still working on it

still toiling away when everyone else is just throwing up their hands and walked away you know i

i've never been that way i can't just be okay with

um not completing a task or not following through

um and so i always do does that make sense

and maybe these beings knew that about you yeah and that

you you had what it took to be able to come through this and actually be deconstructed and

reconstructed into something new and and one would i could say better

you've had some some amazing experiences on the other side

and of course then you've written a book and now you you're serving others through that so

that that may be what it takes

all right this is the conclusion of part one of our initial two-part interview

with matthew roberts matthew's second part of our interview will be aired next week where he will

share more about his experiences and what he has learned from them

matthew is author of the book initiated uap dreams depression delusions shadow

people psychosis sleep paralysis and pandemics you can find that book in both

paperback and kindle versions at amazon.com

as we draw this podcast episode to a close i invite you to join me in a nightly

global meditation at 9 00 pm eastern standard time i do around a 10-minute meditation

where the intention is to be a vessel or channel of love and light of

source energy to support the earth and humanity at this time

and the idea is that you drop down into your heart and just allow yourself to be in a state

of beingness as you witness the earth and humanity i like to

feel that i'm connected to the energetic grid work of the earth connected to other meditators all around

the planet and together we are breathing in love and breathing out love

and a state of oneness of unity i try to do this meditation every night

around 9 00 pm eastern standard time i do miss some nights but i do think that it

would be fulfilling if we had a group of people that listened to the podcast and wanted to take part in the global

meditation if you feel drawn to it go ahead and join us for around 10

minutes or so at 9 00 pm eastern standard time if you have taken part in the meditation

we'd love to hear from you you can drop a comment at globalmeditationnetwork.com

on the meditation page or better yet go to our facebook page and

join our facebook group and drop a comment there and let us know that you're joining us

also let us know how you enjoyed today's podcast episode and if you have any suggestions for future

guests alright that's all for now we'll see you next week for part two of this

very interesting conversation with matthew roberts until then have a great rest of your day